Copy Right Robbie Hoffman 2017
|
|
The Death of Mr Jeffcoat
An adult fictional government crime novel by Robbie Hoffman.
This novel tells the true story of an innocent Brass Caster that spent years trying to gain his innocents in a small city that was filled with local and national corruption. Its based on how the American government spent millions of dollars trying to destroy the political career of Mr. Jeffcoat, one everyday nobody. They did everything they could to destroy his career and life, honestly believing that the people they threatened to help them, respected them for doing so and respected their political views. The crime novel takes you through the path of how a corrupt group of people in power can lose control by trying to gain control. It takes you through the process of how the community would slowly find out how the American government and local personnel can choose to use power, millions of tax dollars, and wasted years trying to destroy one persons political career. Only to find out their necrotic nature cultivated the collective destruction of their integrity in the community on how they have handled everything else in their lives.
Chapter one:
I have said it many times before and I make a point of bringing it up in many conversations when psychology becomes the conversation piece. During my years of studying the art and discipline of psychology, I have found it truly amazing that during my entire life, thus far, never have I ever experienced such a phenomenon as to be siting in various psychology classes and experiencing the kindness and genteelness of so many warm hearts. Every class I have attended during my major that wasn’t a psychology class, I have witnessed many different personalities and most of them have the same trend of the modern cliché of the average traditional student. Playing video games, dressing very casual--even sometimes lazy--apparel and most of the time either partying or planing their next powwow. I have been told many students quick fix to writing a paper was cutting and pasting right from wikipedia and as well using a past paper with a sight edge to it. And even admitting it on facebook at times. I have witnessed many students writing a paper and drop boxing it right before class as quick as they would dress without showering after waking late from a long night of brewhaa, and smelling like mind you. But every single class I have attended thus far in the major of psychology, I have been overwhelmed by the true beauty and care of every psychology student I have witnessed in every class. Its as though they were destined to take up others pain and grief and damn well know that its right for them and that they have a serious load to take up in their future and are driven for more. Every student has a different meditating concentration and a look of blessed empathy that I have never witnesses in my many years of work and pre-undergraduate life.
The idea of the higher thought process and understanding of human behavior, with many contributors throughout history, all coming together for thousands of undergraduate students to set themselves up for a lifetime of burden with other peoples problems, you would think that many of theses students would be stressed to the bone and on edge walking around with a continuous frustrated face of no sleep. However to my amazement, in the look of every student is a true humble nature. And the atmosphere, or I should say aurora, of every classroom, is truly amazing, not to mention the caring undertone in their speech of every students answer, individual and different, but yet they care in their way all the same. A speech with pure love and true kindness, for empathy for others.
Far different then the crappy side of life before I went back to school in 2002. I was very into mindfulness and meditation at this point in time and had many hours dedicated to pretty much getting lost in the world of silence. I was working at a gas station at this time in Green Bay Wisconsin. The very fact that two younger co-workers were always taking advantage of my passive nature and made it hard on me. Always calling in sick to go out on a date and or because their to hung over. I still treated them great never the less and sure enough it always came back to me. More of their bull and more days of working spontaneous doubles. One was a drunk, on a daily basis, and thought it was funny, and the other had a passion as a drug addict; usually Molly was her passion.
One of the girls I worked with was part of my inspiration for taking on a heavier load with my studies. She was working 4 jobs and attending school for two majors. She was one of the very few that always had my back and never could understand how she could always have such a great sense of humor with so much on her plate. She was as humorous as one be. Very intelligent and out spoken. Long blond hair and always had plenty of guys flirting with her. She was always trying to push me to go back to school.
Defiantly different from the present air of being around psychology students.
Chapter: 2
Today I awoke to the news of the loss of a couple of students to the result of a house fire. It happened early in the morning and not a soul was awake to see the house in flames. The students were younger then me, traditional students, a boy and girl in their early twenties. I learned of it as I returned to work this morning after a well needed sleep session from a late 2nd shift the previous night. It turns out that the two had hosted a party and the couch had caught fire from a lingering cigarette bud. They fell a sleep in the upstairs bedroom and obviously were too intoxicated to check the house and ash trays.
I cannot imagine what their parents could possibly be going through. Knowing their child’s death could have been prevented if they would have just attended college without the cliché need for booze and trying to fit in. Another traditional failed attempt of being cool. I feel so harsh with those words, however if you ask yourself “what is the true meaning of a party?” You end up with little to no other answer other then “trying to be the cool host on campus.”
The morning could have been the same as others, but with a true compassion and empathy for others, I just cannot stop thinking of their parents and how hard it must be to lose a child to such meaningless. They must be an absolute wreck. I guess I am being somewhat bias given I have never had the party appeal or sex appeal about me to be able to host my own party and actually have it be a success.
I lost my best friend in high school and I know what it is like seeing his mother at the door step of the church in absolute horrific devastation, drenched in tears. I understand full well what a mother would go through if their child were to die. Dressed in all black with a family member consoling her, she was shaking profusely and I as well had many many nights of late night uncontrolled shaking and the crying. “Oh God the miserable choking on my breath and continue crying,” good God I thought the days would never be the same again. The loss of a best friend at such a time in ones life, when your done with everyday normal learning and your just preparing for the process of moving onto a life of work and higher thought studies, you would never think you would walk away from your high school life without being able to call your best friend, as the years go by, for get-together’s and vacations. Seeing his mother at the door of the church, much less seeing the hearse that would carry him away forever in front of her, that’s enough of a site to devastate just about anyone.
One of the main reasons I am pursuing a career in psychology is the lingering aftermath of the passing of a close friend. After he passed, I found myself buried in a pile of books on a daily basis at the local library. Studying and researching religions and philosophies. Eventually I found the art of meditation and fell in love with the practice just like most fall for going to the local gym for random exercise classes. Hours would role by and I would come out of meditation and I would look at the clock and be bewildered at how much time would fly bye. I just fell in love with mindfulness. I eventually decided I wanted to be apart of all this culture and help all those poor people that are grieving, in the different ways they practice, as well as find out what practices can be offer people of different cultures. So I finally applied to a college to study the art of psychology.
I simply care too much about the well being of others to just go through my day without the saddened thought of the loss of two young souls that never had a chance to give back to their parents what their parents would have been grateful of them to achieve.
After a long day of work and as my day unwinds, I began again to think of their parents and the grief my best friends mother went through. I started to look back on the fun me and my best friend had as kids and all the memories of our birthdays. We had close birthdays just a couple of days apart. We would always try to make an effort to celebrate them together. It didn’t really matter what we did, just as long as we could be together. He always had a fascination with horror movies. Onetime we stayed up and watched a marathon of Freddy Krueger movies. And of course he had the Halloween plastic Freddie fingers to go with the celebration.
Somewhere in the world right now those two poor souls have just left behind: best friends, acquaintances, past lovers, cousins, family and co-workers all to the unjustified actions of trying to the cool kids in college. Its just terrible.
I got home late in the day and decided that the best thing for me and a usually ritual, is to just sit in a corner and meditate.
I have said it many times before and I make a point of bringing it up in many conversations when psychology becomes the conversation piece. During my years of studying the art and discipline of psychology, I have found it truly amazing that during my entire life, thus far, never have I ever experienced such a phenomenon as to be siting in various psychology classes and experiencing the kindness and genteelness of so many warm hearts. Every class I have attended during my major that wasn’t a psychology class, I have witnessed many different personalities and most of them have the same trend of the modern cliché of the average traditional student. Playing video games, dressing very casual--even sometimes lazy--apparel and most of the time either partying or planing their next powwow. I have been told many students quick fix to writing a paper was cutting and pasting right from wikipedia and as well using a past paper with a sight edge to it. And even admitting it on facebook at times. I have witnessed many students writing a paper and drop boxing it right before class as quick as they would dress without showering after waking late from a long night of brewhaa, and smelling like mind you. But every single class I have attended thus far in the major of psychology, I have been overwhelmed by the true beauty and care of every psychology student I have witnessed in every class. Its as though they were destined to take up others pain and grief and damn well know that its right for them and that they have a serious load to take up in their future and are driven for more. Every student has a different meditating concentration and a look of blessed empathy that I have never witnesses in my many years of work and pre-undergraduate life.
The idea of the higher thought process and understanding of human behavior, with many contributors throughout history, all coming together for thousands of undergraduate students to set themselves up for a lifetime of burden with other peoples problems, you would think that many of theses students would be stressed to the bone and on edge walking around with a continuous frustrated face of no sleep. However to my amazement, in the look of every student is a true humble nature. And the atmosphere, or I should say aurora, of every classroom, is truly amazing, not to mention the caring undertone in their speech of every students answer, individual and different, but yet they care in their way all the same. A speech with pure love and true kindness, for empathy for others.
Far different then the crappy side of life before I went back to school in 2002. I was very into mindfulness and meditation at this point in time and had many hours dedicated to pretty much getting lost in the world of silence. I was working at a gas station at this time in Green Bay Wisconsin. The very fact that two younger co-workers were always taking advantage of my passive nature and made it hard on me. Always calling in sick to go out on a date and or because their to hung over. I still treated them great never the less and sure enough it always came back to me. More of their bull and more days of working spontaneous doubles. One was a drunk, on a daily basis, and thought it was funny, and the other had a passion as a drug addict; usually Molly was her passion.
One of the girls I worked with was part of my inspiration for taking on a heavier load with my studies. She was working 4 jobs and attending school for two majors. She was one of the very few that always had my back and never could understand how she could always have such a great sense of humor with so much on her plate. She was as humorous as one be. Very intelligent and out spoken. Long blond hair and always had plenty of guys flirting with her. She was always trying to push me to go back to school.
Defiantly different from the present air of being around psychology students.
Chapter: 2
Today I awoke to the news of the loss of a couple of students to the result of a house fire. It happened early in the morning and not a soul was awake to see the house in flames. The students were younger then me, traditional students, a boy and girl in their early twenties. I learned of it as I returned to work this morning after a well needed sleep session from a late 2nd shift the previous night. It turns out that the two had hosted a party and the couch had caught fire from a lingering cigarette bud. They fell a sleep in the upstairs bedroom and obviously were too intoxicated to check the house and ash trays.
I cannot imagine what their parents could possibly be going through. Knowing their child’s death could have been prevented if they would have just attended college without the cliché need for booze and trying to fit in. Another traditional failed attempt of being cool. I feel so harsh with those words, however if you ask yourself “what is the true meaning of a party?” You end up with little to no other answer other then “trying to be the cool host on campus.”
The morning could have been the same as others, but with a true compassion and empathy for others, I just cannot stop thinking of their parents and how hard it must be to lose a child to such meaningless. They must be an absolute wreck. I guess I am being somewhat bias given I have never had the party appeal or sex appeal about me to be able to host my own party and actually have it be a success.
I lost my best friend in high school and I know what it is like seeing his mother at the door step of the church in absolute horrific devastation, drenched in tears. I understand full well what a mother would go through if their child were to die. Dressed in all black with a family member consoling her, she was shaking profusely and I as well had many many nights of late night uncontrolled shaking and the crying. “Oh God the miserable choking on my breath and continue crying,” good God I thought the days would never be the same again. The loss of a best friend at such a time in ones life, when your done with everyday normal learning and your just preparing for the process of moving onto a life of work and higher thought studies, you would never think you would walk away from your high school life without being able to call your best friend, as the years go by, for get-together’s and vacations. Seeing his mother at the door of the church, much less seeing the hearse that would carry him away forever in front of her, that’s enough of a site to devastate just about anyone.
One of the main reasons I am pursuing a career in psychology is the lingering aftermath of the passing of a close friend. After he passed, I found myself buried in a pile of books on a daily basis at the local library. Studying and researching religions and philosophies. Eventually I found the art of meditation and fell in love with the practice just like most fall for going to the local gym for random exercise classes. Hours would role by and I would come out of meditation and I would look at the clock and be bewildered at how much time would fly bye. I just fell in love with mindfulness. I eventually decided I wanted to be apart of all this culture and help all those poor people that are grieving, in the different ways they practice, as well as find out what practices can be offer people of different cultures. So I finally applied to a college to study the art of psychology.
I simply care too much about the well being of others to just go through my day without the saddened thought of the loss of two young souls that never had a chance to give back to their parents what their parents would have been grateful of them to achieve.
After a long day of work and as my day unwinds, I began again to think of their parents and the grief my best friends mother went through. I started to look back on the fun me and my best friend had as kids and all the memories of our birthdays. We had close birthdays just a couple of days apart. We would always try to make an effort to celebrate them together. It didn’t really matter what we did, just as long as we could be together. He always had a fascination with horror movies. Onetime we stayed up and watched a marathon of Freddy Krueger movies. And of course he had the Halloween plastic Freddie fingers to go with the celebration.
Somewhere in the world right now those two poor souls have just left behind: best friends, acquaintances, past lovers, cousins, family and co-workers all to the unjustified actions of trying to the cool kids in college. Its just terrible.
I got home late in the day and decided that the best thing for me and a usually ritual, is to just sit in a corner and meditate.
Chapter three:
Riding my bike all throughout campus everywhere I have to go is an amazing feat to accomplish. All winter long getting stuck in snow banks and having the wheels slip right out from underneath me with grocery bags hanging on either end of the handlebars and sometimes on both sides, and in some cases having the winter wind and wind chill add to the daily battle. Everywhere I go it is either bike it or hike it and the biking makes for more time at the library and more time in the research lab. The winter is hard enough let alone the 10 pound backpack with a laptop and umteen books bloating it to its seams limits, that most of the time was a must essential.
Now I keep thinking about the tragedy of how awful it would be to be ridding my bike, randomly, one day and to stumble upon a burning house and having to make a snap decision to ignore the flames gushing out of the windows and the smoke barreling out and jump off my bike and run in attempting to find any survivors. Good God this is not a great semester. What a tragedy.
All over the world people are not making the best decisions in their lives and their essentially leaving others to clean up their mess. About 7 billion people on the planet and all of them with different personalities and all of them are apart of a social group claiming to know the better way and to be the better source. All but a few so humble and so graceful to not be in dire constant need for an applause for their collective approach on how the world should look and act.
Not only is meditation my source for prayers and mindfulness, but it is a great source for “emptying the cup,” as the ancient Buddhist Monks preached. It’s the process of letting go of all earthly stressors and mental burden. The way I see it is when your born here you have nothing to worry about, but as time goes on you build your burden with your way of life and with others in your environment making burden for you to worry about. But when you leave, all that individual burden goes no where. You don’t take it with you because why would you need any of that mucky mental golosh in heaven? and life on earth sure doesn’t need that burden, nor does any one individual want or need to take up all your stress when you leave. They have their own ways in life that build their own burden and they have their own present environment to build more of the same surrounding stressors in their world.
I remember the amount of stress I endured in high school with falling in love for the first time. And all that hollowness that came with it. The endless nights of sleep and anxiety. All that normal teenage stress that comes with adolescents. Here we are on planet earth and if you think of the billions of people that have once inhabited this planet over the course of time. And all those people with their different approach to life and their different social norms, all collectively had one thing that was exactly the same. The internal stress and emotional anguish of falling in love and losing that love. This, as well as walking, talking, eating and going to the bathroom, are all the main things people have always had in common. Whether the societal religions changed or the societal social norms developed differently with the different modern needs and demands of the people, we the people have always had the same four things that were always experienced by people.
The process of communication on the other hand, is one thing that everyone has tried to do and not always succeeded in doing. Whether it was social barriers or language barriers, these and the total failure in getting ones point of view across, is all that people have ever tried to do and had to do to get through life. And in some cases the process of “easier said then done” creates a barrier that was not intended. And this as well as love can create one heck of a giant world war.
Maybe its true, that during ancient Asian philosophy and during the times of Confucius or the Buddha, even while enduring war, the way of and creation of meditation and yoga just might have been the most brilliant time period. One might argue that the Golden Age was the better time period, and or that our modern technologies were nothing compared to the Ancient Egyptians and that would have been the most brilliant time period. One might argue that we have the most brilliant time period with knowing all of what did happen and why. And then we look in the modern news source and read of nothing but failure and war. The same things that were endured in every time period. Wait, hate, want and greed. And then love comes along and some people can really make a mess of a time period. All in the name of love.
So why would Jesus and the Buddha leave such a process of love and kindness? And why would Jesus and the modern Dali Lama have been so hated that war broke out and millions were killed in their name? Love. That’s right. Nothing beats a war tore over anothers love. Maybe its one persons love or one leaders love. Or maybe it was a random love. It was even written in history that a ruler would go through the streets killing hundreds of women and children over anothers love, for his people. The modern Dali Lama and Jesus both prevailed at having this much hate thrown at their name. Two of the most loving people in our history had so much hate against them.
All through history, when love is in the air, the angry love mobsters come to destroy.
Just looking at the Dali Lama you can get a sense of his passion and love. Much less his actions. But of course there is always one person that can find hate in such a loving honest man. And of course they have nothing better to do with life then to try to find reasons of hate. And this has never failed to be the reasoning all through out life.
Chapter four:
Its interesting that it would always make for a spontaneous moment of “first to lay the broken ice” and apologize first for not being responsible but for coming in extending honest gratitude. For life is all about “getting off on the wrong foot.” All the people that once lived here and the billions that are here witnessing this phenomenon right now all have a history of an entire life of mistakes. All those mistakes and all those first bad interactions all come together in everyone as a common conversation piece to hold at any friendly meeting of “nice to see you again how’s the wife and kids everyday small talk.” Not any one person can honestly look you in the eyes upon their death bed and say “I’ve never stepped on anyones toes” and or convince any one person they have never “got off on the wrong foot” with a hand full of people in their past. From ups and downs of daily stressors to everyday mood of whether and everyday obstacles at work, upon all other life stressors, we all have no choice but to attempt to avoid all means of crossing hairs, and putting on good impression of who we really represent in all our “whys, ways and wonders.” But is that what this one life is all about? We randomly evolved here to this point in thought from a fourteen billion year old bang?
Or is it in fact the idea created by God himself to interact in all kinds of situations and in all kinds of moods, with every kind of person and personality from every environmental difference our world can hold? From ethic differences to economic differences all coming together in everyday of every city and village to all come into play of this giant means of philosophical and psychological higher weave of differences and chances to change those witnessing our interactions and our ways of handling them? Our natural dislikes and our convincing differences in opinions and as well our means of not being humiliated by our natural past of hundreds if not thousands of mistakes? All to represent our Lords means to become more like him and like all other great scholars and philosophers and humble down as low as one can to lead into a humble shell of “tiny tiny tot”I’m just as flawed as billions of other that lived here and experienced the cruel and unique “living in humility” that our Lord preached and our Lord swore by with his life, death and new beginning. An impressive mixture of “Trust In Me,” and trust in yourself all designed by Him, for your sake of “no one gets out alive.”
So does it make the wiser and or does it make the more charming to wave all fear and wave all notions of humility and for one moment in this one life to step forward and give yourself one chance to be as close to being like the Dali Lama or Jesus as you can and humble into complete humility as though you we’re seeking it your entire life and the moment of final pay off of all mistakes came into this one moment of complete clarity and BAM! Your on the grounds of the same Lord you preached about, pray to in all your lifes disarray and in all your uncertainly, you finally had the greatest gift in the world handed to you on a platter? Better then a millionaire handing you the keys to your own Italian sports coup? Shouldn’t this be just that what we all seek out in this one life? Shouldn’t the idea of our grace and our means of daily nice “open the door” jesters and donating every cent we can and being there for one another, especially those we don’t know, be all about this one moment were we have screwed things up so bad that in an instant we react like we just won the state lottery and leap forward in complete humility and honesty and with all our passion and all our sincerity we dig as deep as we can in our minds, our souls and in our passion for living for all we are and. . .just. . .apologize.. . WITH NOTHING BUT GOD LOVING EXCITEMENT!? “I JUST HAD THE CHANCE TO LIVE LIKE JESUS! FOR JESUS! YEEEEEEHAAAA!”
Whether you believe in the Bang or the Lord, political corruption has been an known undertone since the birth of the community. There have been wars created just out of greed. There have been deaths by the hands of many politicians that have never been known and will never see the light of day. There have been affairs daglore and sexual misconducts since human thought evolved. Underneath the time of man, there have been betrayals of entire nations and multi million dollar companies with a history of corruption.
All in all the countries of our past and present greed and power have taken up most of our history books and the Bible.
And of course the Dali Lama and Jesus were the first in both their situations to come first with a humble approach to solving the community issue. An apology and forgiveness just to break the ice, but more so, because its really the only way to truly live. To truly experience the best life can offer. To really learn, from being the learning in progress.
Chapter five:
Being a psychology student and a past philosophy student, I thought the amount of time I invested in study and in meditation as well, was a little more then what most people would invest in their studies. But maybe that’s it. Maybe when you find your passion, even if your not being paid for it or making a living doing it, maybe that’s all life is. Its what you are. What you do is what you are. Sitting alone in a library for endless hours, endlessly reading text books and research would probably bore many modern attention deficit disorder gadget gurus, but I think it’s the endless hours of meditation that most gadget gurus can’t bare to think of.
When I was in high school I use to spend many moons crafting with my hands. I began sculpting with plaster and clay for a school project and it seem to carry me away to new place I’ve never been before. A meditation if you will. One that can easily lose a persons time consumption and become a serious addiction. An addiction for me that would take out most of my grades. And as well get me the honors of having the school record for tardys. I always loved a great art project. I could really indulge myself like I do with meditation. Hours can roll by and I am still deep in depth with everything that is nothing and was never anything. The true blessing of life. The ability to reach inside and fine bliss in nothing. All the nothing that you are and everything that is nothing and keep still in it with no regards to anyone's opinion, as well as being so concerned with the care for every human alive and their needs at the same time. Woof, what a steep hill.
A different kind of meditation, sometimes I love to read history. I am very much a history buff and really get into the fascinating aspect of “only the living write history.” For every war that was won and for every King that lived, only the ones that lived on told the story. Its impossible to read history without the notion that there is more to the story then the ego of a need forsaken legend. Even in modern times.
I was reading a story today about a cop that abused his power and abused the rights of a citizen for years. He lost his control and when the truth started to come to the surface, he was getting ready to retire. He wanted so many of his fellow officers to admire him in a larger than life memorabiliack sort of way, that he did what he could with tone of voice and choice of word stimuli to make them feel afraid for him in regards of retaliation of the citizen. So he had them convinced if they did not surveillance the citizen he would retaliate. As though the innocent is aggressive–more so then the delusional mind set of a man that had no ability to cope or forgive himself for years of abusing his job. The story was psychologically fascinating given that he was able to get the government to spend millions of dollars surveillancing an innocent person that never had a criminal record or ever stepped foot in a court for any charges. It was his psychosis, that he, the goody-to-shoe cop, had to have a larger then life legacy to uphold.
I must say in this modern world we are witnessing a lot of weird psychosis and in politics especially. From Nixon to modern corporate corrupt.
Good grief, the mental mind set of these desiring neurosis. Who would ever think the need to be a long lived rockstar in the political arena and policing arena would ever surface. I know they all want to be the idolized 911 hero in the flesh, but there approach and their identical twin delusion neurosis is hilarious. Its usually ends up being the butt end of the stick in a SNL short clip.
In the modern world one can only wonder the difference between a mass shooter and a neurotic too-big-for-their-britches politician or any public need for attention.
To think that all of us are so deep into our lives that we're pre-consumed by our hobbies and our passions to the point that this sort of thought process doesn’t even exist to us, until we heard it on the nightly news. We all have too much need for balance and for self truth that we all find our different meditations in our crafts. The process of not being preoccupied in life brings even an adult back to the middle school play ground bully mentality. Simply too self indulged.
Anyway. . . I am now deep in research studying the Effects of Message Therapy and as well still deep in my personal research on mediation and mindfulness. I am trying to write my first novel on the Sea Peoples and Ramses II . However the information is hard to find and my minor in creative writing is suffering given the extent of my expectations of my self and need to increase my knowledge of this horrendous time period. I really get into the past efforts and the needs of the billions people that have lived here. They have had the same desires of finding balance and joy in their hobbies and crafts and as well had to endure the few corrupt that couldn't get a clue.
As a senior that is failing to get hired by the federal government to be a negotiator, and destroying my minor, I am pondering the idea of running for office against the “ Big Wig Well To Do” as an independent environmentalist.
Today I interviewed and hired my first "non profit" employee Mr. Jeffcoat. He is a second generation brass caster and by his portfolio, a very good one. Find dressed but you could tell it was not a fitted suit and nor was the initial introduction a authentic one. But after digging into his anxiety front, I felt he was right for the amount of harassment he was about to endure on my behalf, if I do indeed launch a political campaign. Shiny tie, slicked back hair–unnatural–and a walk that meant he really needed to impress me with his marked down originally high priced sketchers and a shirt that screams last minute wedding need that has been sitting in his closet since high school. Still in the end I was very impressed with his resume alone, that I hired him. I understand good research and know the amount of time and energy that goes in to it that I had to dig in in the interview and make him sweat. But he beat the means of the interview and I gave him a chance.
In the long haul, running for public office is an amazing feat. More so less then riding my bicycle through the winter months expecting the wheels to slip out from underneath me at every corner and of every single pedal.
I am still sort of hoping the FBI is interested in hiring me as a negotiator so I can really indulge in using my education. But I am defiantly not counting on them getting back to me much less reading my geek resume.
Chapter six:
I use to go to this same university back in the late 1990's. Under the nick name Doc, because I apparently looked like Anthony Edwards in the TV show ER, I was studying apparel design. To boring for me given my mother had taught me just about everything I needed to know about sewing already and just about spent my life doing it.
During my time their I still played the drums and kept them at home in Sturgeon Bay. When I came back home from school one weekend to play my drums, and that’s about the only reason I came back, I was hanging around upper Door County with my friends, Egg Harbor, and we had sporadically decided to go into the Main Street Mall. One of those “we have nothing to do with our lives but be goofy times.”
And as I was entering the door to the mall my entire body had a major rush of a very odd energy, if you will. It was a very warm and very heavenly rush, one that I have never encountered previously. My heart was racing and my whole body was electrified and I was barely able to catch my breath. As I opened the door I did not expect to find a girl on the inside standing in front of me with the same look of complete unknown known amazement. In a weird way it was as though we knew. . .something larger then the two of us. We just looked at each other and the energy was electrifying. Like God himself was standing in front of each of us. I did not get the chance to speak with her given the situation of us not expecting this to happen and having others around us already in a pre prerogative motion. I carried on into the mall following my friends down the hallway for about two minutes, until I realized what had just happened. It was my soulmate. I turned around and ran up the stairs and tried to find her. She had vanished without us having a chance to talk. It was one of those life changing moments that no matter how much you believe in the Lord, and or in how much you believe in spirituality in any religion, or in general, one really realizes the truth about God. The truth of how powerful he is and how much he is apart of this life.
Riding my bike all throughout campus everywhere I have to go is an amazing feat to accomplish. All winter long getting stuck in snow banks and having the wheels slip right out from underneath me with grocery bags hanging on either end of the handlebars and sometimes on both sides, and in some cases having the winter wind and wind chill add to the daily battle. Everywhere I go it is either bike it or hike it and the biking makes for more time at the library and more time in the research lab. The winter is hard enough let alone the 10 pound backpack with a laptop and umteen books bloating it to its seams limits, that most of the time was a must essential.
Now I keep thinking about the tragedy of how awful it would be to be ridding my bike, randomly, one day and to stumble upon a burning house and having to make a snap decision to ignore the flames gushing out of the windows and the smoke barreling out and jump off my bike and run in attempting to find any survivors. Good God this is not a great semester. What a tragedy.
All over the world people are not making the best decisions in their lives and their essentially leaving others to clean up their mess. About 7 billion people on the planet and all of them with different personalities and all of them are apart of a social group claiming to know the better way and to be the better source. All but a few so humble and so graceful to not be in dire constant need for an applause for their collective approach on how the world should look and act.
Not only is meditation my source for prayers and mindfulness, but it is a great source for “emptying the cup,” as the ancient Buddhist Monks preached. It’s the process of letting go of all earthly stressors and mental burden. The way I see it is when your born here you have nothing to worry about, but as time goes on you build your burden with your way of life and with others in your environment making burden for you to worry about. But when you leave, all that individual burden goes no where. You don’t take it with you because why would you need any of that mucky mental golosh in heaven? and life on earth sure doesn’t need that burden, nor does any one individual want or need to take up all your stress when you leave. They have their own ways in life that build their own burden and they have their own present environment to build more of the same surrounding stressors in their world.
I remember the amount of stress I endured in high school with falling in love for the first time. And all that hollowness that came with it. The endless nights of sleep and anxiety. All that normal teenage stress that comes with adolescents. Here we are on planet earth and if you think of the billions of people that have once inhabited this planet over the course of time. And all those people with their different approach to life and their different social norms, all collectively had one thing that was exactly the same. The internal stress and emotional anguish of falling in love and losing that love. This, as well as walking, talking, eating and going to the bathroom, are all the main things people have always had in common. Whether the societal religions changed or the societal social norms developed differently with the different modern needs and demands of the people, we the people have always had the same four things that were always experienced by people.
The process of communication on the other hand, is one thing that everyone has tried to do and not always succeeded in doing. Whether it was social barriers or language barriers, these and the total failure in getting ones point of view across, is all that people have ever tried to do and had to do to get through life. And in some cases the process of “easier said then done” creates a barrier that was not intended. And this as well as love can create one heck of a giant world war.
Maybe its true, that during ancient Asian philosophy and during the times of Confucius or the Buddha, even while enduring war, the way of and creation of meditation and yoga just might have been the most brilliant time period. One might argue that the Golden Age was the better time period, and or that our modern technologies were nothing compared to the Ancient Egyptians and that would have been the most brilliant time period. One might argue that we have the most brilliant time period with knowing all of what did happen and why. And then we look in the modern news source and read of nothing but failure and war. The same things that were endured in every time period. Wait, hate, want and greed. And then love comes along and some people can really make a mess of a time period. All in the name of love.
So why would Jesus and the Buddha leave such a process of love and kindness? And why would Jesus and the modern Dali Lama have been so hated that war broke out and millions were killed in their name? Love. That’s right. Nothing beats a war tore over anothers love. Maybe its one persons love or one leaders love. Or maybe it was a random love. It was even written in history that a ruler would go through the streets killing hundreds of women and children over anothers love, for his people. The modern Dali Lama and Jesus both prevailed at having this much hate thrown at their name. Two of the most loving people in our history had so much hate against them.
All through history, when love is in the air, the angry love mobsters come to destroy.
Just looking at the Dali Lama you can get a sense of his passion and love. Much less his actions. But of course there is always one person that can find hate in such a loving honest man. And of course they have nothing better to do with life then to try to find reasons of hate. And this has never failed to be the reasoning all through out life.
Chapter four:
Its interesting that it would always make for a spontaneous moment of “first to lay the broken ice” and apologize first for not being responsible but for coming in extending honest gratitude. For life is all about “getting off on the wrong foot.” All the people that once lived here and the billions that are here witnessing this phenomenon right now all have a history of an entire life of mistakes. All those mistakes and all those first bad interactions all come together in everyone as a common conversation piece to hold at any friendly meeting of “nice to see you again how’s the wife and kids everyday small talk.” Not any one person can honestly look you in the eyes upon their death bed and say “I’ve never stepped on anyones toes” and or convince any one person they have never “got off on the wrong foot” with a hand full of people in their past. From ups and downs of daily stressors to everyday mood of whether and everyday obstacles at work, upon all other life stressors, we all have no choice but to attempt to avoid all means of crossing hairs, and putting on good impression of who we really represent in all our “whys, ways and wonders.” But is that what this one life is all about? We randomly evolved here to this point in thought from a fourteen billion year old bang?
Or is it in fact the idea created by God himself to interact in all kinds of situations and in all kinds of moods, with every kind of person and personality from every environmental difference our world can hold? From ethic differences to economic differences all coming together in everyday of every city and village to all come into play of this giant means of philosophical and psychological higher weave of differences and chances to change those witnessing our interactions and our ways of handling them? Our natural dislikes and our convincing differences in opinions and as well our means of not being humiliated by our natural past of hundreds if not thousands of mistakes? All to represent our Lords means to become more like him and like all other great scholars and philosophers and humble down as low as one can to lead into a humble shell of “tiny tiny tot”I’m just as flawed as billions of other that lived here and experienced the cruel and unique “living in humility” that our Lord preached and our Lord swore by with his life, death and new beginning. An impressive mixture of “Trust In Me,” and trust in yourself all designed by Him, for your sake of “no one gets out alive.”
So does it make the wiser and or does it make the more charming to wave all fear and wave all notions of humility and for one moment in this one life to step forward and give yourself one chance to be as close to being like the Dali Lama or Jesus as you can and humble into complete humility as though you we’re seeking it your entire life and the moment of final pay off of all mistakes came into this one moment of complete clarity and BAM! Your on the grounds of the same Lord you preached about, pray to in all your lifes disarray and in all your uncertainly, you finally had the greatest gift in the world handed to you on a platter? Better then a millionaire handing you the keys to your own Italian sports coup? Shouldn’t this be just that what we all seek out in this one life? Shouldn’t the idea of our grace and our means of daily nice “open the door” jesters and donating every cent we can and being there for one another, especially those we don’t know, be all about this one moment were we have screwed things up so bad that in an instant we react like we just won the state lottery and leap forward in complete humility and honesty and with all our passion and all our sincerity we dig as deep as we can in our minds, our souls and in our passion for living for all we are and. . .just. . .apologize.. . WITH NOTHING BUT GOD LOVING EXCITEMENT!? “I JUST HAD THE CHANCE TO LIVE LIKE JESUS! FOR JESUS! YEEEEEEHAAAA!”
Whether you believe in the Bang or the Lord, political corruption has been an known undertone since the birth of the community. There have been wars created just out of greed. There have been deaths by the hands of many politicians that have never been known and will never see the light of day. There have been affairs daglore and sexual misconducts since human thought evolved. Underneath the time of man, there have been betrayals of entire nations and multi million dollar companies with a history of corruption.
All in all the countries of our past and present greed and power have taken up most of our history books and the Bible.
And of course the Dali Lama and Jesus were the first in both their situations to come first with a humble approach to solving the community issue. An apology and forgiveness just to break the ice, but more so, because its really the only way to truly live. To truly experience the best life can offer. To really learn, from being the learning in progress.
Chapter five:
Being a psychology student and a past philosophy student, I thought the amount of time I invested in study and in meditation as well, was a little more then what most people would invest in their studies. But maybe that’s it. Maybe when you find your passion, even if your not being paid for it or making a living doing it, maybe that’s all life is. Its what you are. What you do is what you are. Sitting alone in a library for endless hours, endlessly reading text books and research would probably bore many modern attention deficit disorder gadget gurus, but I think it’s the endless hours of meditation that most gadget gurus can’t bare to think of.
When I was in high school I use to spend many moons crafting with my hands. I began sculpting with plaster and clay for a school project and it seem to carry me away to new place I’ve never been before. A meditation if you will. One that can easily lose a persons time consumption and become a serious addiction. An addiction for me that would take out most of my grades. And as well get me the honors of having the school record for tardys. I always loved a great art project. I could really indulge myself like I do with meditation. Hours can roll by and I am still deep in depth with everything that is nothing and was never anything. The true blessing of life. The ability to reach inside and fine bliss in nothing. All the nothing that you are and everything that is nothing and keep still in it with no regards to anyone's opinion, as well as being so concerned with the care for every human alive and their needs at the same time. Woof, what a steep hill.
A different kind of meditation, sometimes I love to read history. I am very much a history buff and really get into the fascinating aspect of “only the living write history.” For every war that was won and for every King that lived, only the ones that lived on told the story. Its impossible to read history without the notion that there is more to the story then the ego of a need forsaken legend. Even in modern times.
I was reading a story today about a cop that abused his power and abused the rights of a citizen for years. He lost his control and when the truth started to come to the surface, he was getting ready to retire. He wanted so many of his fellow officers to admire him in a larger than life memorabiliack sort of way, that he did what he could with tone of voice and choice of word stimuli to make them feel afraid for him in regards of retaliation of the citizen. So he had them convinced if they did not surveillance the citizen he would retaliate. As though the innocent is aggressive–more so then the delusional mind set of a man that had no ability to cope or forgive himself for years of abusing his job. The story was psychologically fascinating given that he was able to get the government to spend millions of dollars surveillancing an innocent person that never had a criminal record or ever stepped foot in a court for any charges. It was his psychosis, that he, the goody-to-shoe cop, had to have a larger then life legacy to uphold.
I must say in this modern world we are witnessing a lot of weird psychosis and in politics especially. From Nixon to modern corporate corrupt.
Good grief, the mental mind set of these desiring neurosis. Who would ever think the need to be a long lived rockstar in the political arena and policing arena would ever surface. I know they all want to be the idolized 911 hero in the flesh, but there approach and their identical twin delusion neurosis is hilarious. Its usually ends up being the butt end of the stick in a SNL short clip.
In the modern world one can only wonder the difference between a mass shooter and a neurotic too-big-for-their-britches politician or any public need for attention.
To think that all of us are so deep into our lives that we're pre-consumed by our hobbies and our passions to the point that this sort of thought process doesn’t even exist to us, until we heard it on the nightly news. We all have too much need for balance and for self truth that we all find our different meditations in our crafts. The process of not being preoccupied in life brings even an adult back to the middle school play ground bully mentality. Simply too self indulged.
Anyway. . . I am now deep in research studying the Effects of Message Therapy and as well still deep in my personal research on mediation and mindfulness. I am trying to write my first novel on the Sea Peoples and Ramses II . However the information is hard to find and my minor in creative writing is suffering given the extent of my expectations of my self and need to increase my knowledge of this horrendous time period. I really get into the past efforts and the needs of the billions people that have lived here. They have had the same desires of finding balance and joy in their hobbies and crafts and as well had to endure the few corrupt that couldn't get a clue.
As a senior that is failing to get hired by the federal government to be a negotiator, and destroying my minor, I am pondering the idea of running for office against the “ Big Wig Well To Do” as an independent environmentalist.
Today I interviewed and hired my first "non profit" employee Mr. Jeffcoat. He is a second generation brass caster and by his portfolio, a very good one. Find dressed but you could tell it was not a fitted suit and nor was the initial introduction a authentic one. But after digging into his anxiety front, I felt he was right for the amount of harassment he was about to endure on my behalf, if I do indeed launch a political campaign. Shiny tie, slicked back hair–unnatural–and a walk that meant he really needed to impress me with his marked down originally high priced sketchers and a shirt that screams last minute wedding need that has been sitting in his closet since high school. Still in the end I was very impressed with his resume alone, that I hired him. I understand good research and know the amount of time and energy that goes in to it that I had to dig in in the interview and make him sweat. But he beat the means of the interview and I gave him a chance.
In the long haul, running for public office is an amazing feat. More so less then riding my bicycle through the winter months expecting the wheels to slip out from underneath me at every corner and of every single pedal.
I am still sort of hoping the FBI is interested in hiring me as a negotiator so I can really indulge in using my education. But I am defiantly not counting on them getting back to me much less reading my geek resume.
Chapter six:
I use to go to this same university back in the late 1990's. Under the nick name Doc, because I apparently looked like Anthony Edwards in the TV show ER, I was studying apparel design. To boring for me given my mother had taught me just about everything I needed to know about sewing already and just about spent my life doing it.
During my time their I still played the drums and kept them at home in Sturgeon Bay. When I came back home from school one weekend to play my drums, and that’s about the only reason I came back, I was hanging around upper Door County with my friends, Egg Harbor, and we had sporadically decided to go into the Main Street Mall. One of those “we have nothing to do with our lives but be goofy times.”
And as I was entering the door to the mall my entire body had a major rush of a very odd energy, if you will. It was a very warm and very heavenly rush, one that I have never encountered previously. My heart was racing and my whole body was electrified and I was barely able to catch my breath. As I opened the door I did not expect to find a girl on the inside standing in front of me with the same look of complete unknown known amazement. In a weird way it was as though we knew. . .something larger then the two of us. We just looked at each other and the energy was electrifying. Like God himself was standing in front of each of us. I did not get the chance to speak with her given the situation of us not expecting this to happen and having others around us already in a pre prerogative motion. I carried on into the mall following my friends down the hallway for about two minutes, until I realized what had just happened. It was my soulmate. I turned around and ran up the stairs and tried to find her. She had vanished without us having a chance to talk. It was one of those life changing moments that no matter how much you believe in the Lord, and or in how much you believe in spirituality in any religion, or in general, one really realizes the truth about God. The truth of how powerful he is and how much he is apart of this life.
|
After many months of reading philosophy and psychology research I came to the understand that God has a soul mate for everyone. And introduces him or her in a different way given the road the two people are on. Some just need to travel a different means to discover their self truth.
I was small talking with Mr. Jeffcoat after the interview and we were discussing this very topic of relationships and soul mates. Mindfulness is the very state of mind some fall short of. Mindful of what you have done in general with every opportunity to be your true nature. When we pay attention to our atmosphere and the area that we are living in we can find our true balance in our lives. Too much of anything in life can be overwhelming and could certainly can be called an addiction. We find our selves and our relationships differently. There wouldn't be much for conversations if everyone found their true soul mate in the same matter.
The soulmate of a person is not just one day “bam here they are” in front of you, its all about what the other person and yourself are accumulating to be with the time period your in. Some find a person differently and or are told by the other in different ways and with different meanings. It’s kinda the same with your choice of discipline in college or choice of careers. Why didn’t you choose the many many other topics? It because they weren’t in your meaning of life.
The stress in falling in love when you were in high school and how you handheld it, really takes a stronghold on how passive you might be in the future. Probably why I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. When I was in high school I was so worried that the one I fell in love with loved the other guy so much more then me and I truly wanted her to be at her happiest, that I fumbled the whole thing.
Obviously the girl in the mall had somehow had the same sort of passive thought process.
After my best friend Samuel died, the entire town knew him to be the most humble and passive person you could even encounter. Its like when a person would meet him they were instantly given an open warm opportunity to be his friend. Myself and others were so baffled at the amount of people that one person could touch in only 18 years of life. I always describe him as “the guy that had you by his grin.” Because he wore his heart on his sleeve, literally, so openly that you would instantly be welcomed with his warmth with just his first impression–his grin.
Finding this kind of balance naturally so early on in life really makes life a whole lot different then for the other personality types.
I really care about the human race and the needs of the individual. It could be my biggest downfall given I am so passionate in helping people and so many people in this world want to take a person for everything they have. My passive nature took away more then one opportunity in this life. I wonder how its going to affect my political career.
Chapter Seven:
Mr. Jeffcoat came to our weekly campaign meeting late today and I was not expecting much from a current college student that is still staying up past his high school bed time.
His grandfather served in the US military and was hired by the military to write and direct a musical about the US military engagement of World War II. The first generation brass caster was always like around his military base and drove a “Potato Sack.” The car was a old time fixer upper coup with a role-bar and classic paint with the hood ovaled around and to the front. A little beat up but nice enough to keep and neat enough to tinkle with fixing it up over a couple of years . It had a brown fishnet duck hunting net wrapped around it that look like a giant potato sack. Grampa Jeffcoat always referred to his classic as “Potato Sack.” As he’d famously tell his wife on they way out the door “I’m taking the Potato Sack hunting honey” when he would join his old pals from college on a weekend hunting trip.
He eventually completed the World War II musical and it turned out to be“musical military coup.” One the US military was not expecting nor wanted him to promote. They had hired him to write on behalf of the US engagement promoting our entrance in a positive demeanor. Not expecting Gramps to write about Winston Churchill “The Salesmen.”
It turns out that the first time Winston Churchill–or as the British refers to as “a genius”–asked President Roosevelt to enter the war, he not only refused but must have made too big of a mockery. For Churchill britches had become a little too big to take a back seat at such giant profits and to have the American President now be granted inside secret information on British corruption. The tables turned and some of the 1940's corporate monstrosities came together with Churchill and agreed to coup the President out of office. As the assassination of President Roosevelt was being organized, for not agreeing to build a modern military industrial complex of corrupt salesmanship of military contracts, Mr. Roosevelt found out about the coup through associated sources.
The US government eventually kept tabs on Grampa Jeffcoat to keep his truth at bay and to keep his musical at bay. If he were alive today he’d defiantly be proud of his grandsons brass casting and as well his patriotic will.
I was small talking with Mr. Jeffcoat after the interview and we were discussing this very topic of relationships and soul mates. Mindfulness is the very state of mind some fall short of. Mindful of what you have done in general with every opportunity to be your true nature. When we pay attention to our atmosphere and the area that we are living in we can find our true balance in our lives. Too much of anything in life can be overwhelming and could certainly can be called an addiction. We find our selves and our relationships differently. There wouldn't be much for conversations if everyone found their true soul mate in the same matter.
The soulmate of a person is not just one day “bam here they are” in front of you, its all about what the other person and yourself are accumulating to be with the time period your in. Some find a person differently and or are told by the other in different ways and with different meanings. It’s kinda the same with your choice of discipline in college or choice of careers. Why didn’t you choose the many many other topics? It because they weren’t in your meaning of life.
The stress in falling in love when you were in high school and how you handheld it, really takes a stronghold on how passive you might be in the future. Probably why I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. When I was in high school I was so worried that the one I fell in love with loved the other guy so much more then me and I truly wanted her to be at her happiest, that I fumbled the whole thing.
Obviously the girl in the mall had somehow had the same sort of passive thought process.
After my best friend Samuel died, the entire town knew him to be the most humble and passive person you could even encounter. Its like when a person would meet him they were instantly given an open warm opportunity to be his friend. Myself and others were so baffled at the amount of people that one person could touch in only 18 years of life. I always describe him as “the guy that had you by his grin.” Because he wore his heart on his sleeve, literally, so openly that you would instantly be welcomed with his warmth with just his first impression–his grin.
Finding this kind of balance naturally so early on in life really makes life a whole lot different then for the other personality types.
I really care about the human race and the needs of the individual. It could be my biggest downfall given I am so passionate in helping people and so many people in this world want to take a person for everything they have. My passive nature took away more then one opportunity in this life. I wonder how its going to affect my political career.
Chapter Seven:
Mr. Jeffcoat came to our weekly campaign meeting late today and I was not expecting much from a current college student that is still staying up past his high school bed time.
His grandfather served in the US military and was hired by the military to write and direct a musical about the US military engagement of World War II. The first generation brass caster was always like around his military base and drove a “Potato Sack.” The car was a old time fixer upper coup with a role-bar and classic paint with the hood ovaled around and to the front. A little beat up but nice enough to keep and neat enough to tinkle with fixing it up over a couple of years . It had a brown fishnet duck hunting net wrapped around it that look like a giant potato sack. Grampa Jeffcoat always referred to his classic as “Potato Sack.” As he’d famously tell his wife on they way out the door “I’m taking the Potato Sack hunting honey” when he would join his old pals from college on a weekend hunting trip.
He eventually completed the World War II musical and it turned out to be“musical military coup.” One the US military was not expecting nor wanted him to promote. They had hired him to write on behalf of the US engagement promoting our entrance in a positive demeanor. Not expecting Gramps to write about Winston Churchill “The Salesmen.”
It turns out that the first time Winston Churchill–or as the British refers to as “a genius”–asked President Roosevelt to enter the war, he not only refused but must have made too big of a mockery. For Churchill britches had become a little too big to take a back seat at such giant profits and to have the American President now be granted inside secret information on British corruption. The tables turned and some of the 1940's corporate monstrosities came together with Churchill and agreed to coup the President out of office. As the assassination of President Roosevelt was being organized, for not agreeing to build a modern military industrial complex of corrupt salesmanship of military contracts, Mr. Roosevelt found out about the coup through associated sources.
The US government eventually kept tabs on Grampa Jeffcoat to keep his truth at bay and to keep his musical at bay. If he were alive today he’d defiantly be proud of his grandsons brass casting and as well his patriotic will.
Powered by
